Jokes On You.

Dear "Friend",

Hope the sex was worth it. Herpes is pretty non-refundable. There is such thing as a code of conduct. I guess I can't blame you. You pretty much only speak "slutish" and "skankanese".

Sincerely,

Laughing Last.

------------------------------------

Dear "Dude",

So ya boned her. Big friggin' whoop. Trust me, it's not an exclusive club. But...you do get a free gift with purchase!!!! I don't want to ruin the surprise. Your doc should be able to elaborate. ;)

Sincerely,

isaidididntwannahavesexbecauseiwastoodrunkbutimeantyourpeniswastoosmall

Note To Drunken Self:

Don't get so hammered around a guy you actually like that you piss your pants on his carpet.

It's kind of...gross.

And urine?....NOT an aphrodisiac.

Sincerely,

Your Sober Counterpart.